There is an apt saying for CF patients. You must control CF , and never allow CF control you. I always wondered if I knew if CF was controlling me. Well I will tell you how I found out. So off to Beaumont I went to meet Professor McElveanney. Does anyone remember when we played Dublin in 2006 and at the start we ran to the hill 16. McElvaney was the doctor for Dublin that day and was the one that got nailed by a football. I was 20 and in my head was doing okay. Beaumont like to assess your whole body. So I was booked in for a week, and the tests started. You all remember the dreaded bleep test you may have taken in Secondary school. Well one of them I was so bad I needed a walking test. I did as good as a man with 30% lung capacity could do. I actually laughed because I was brought to that test in a wheelchair. Then a dexis scan, followed by x – rays and more blood and finally a bronchoscope exam camera into my lungs and they cut some to test it.. at this stage I was coughing up blood constantly and had got 2 collapsed lungs. There was talk of gluing my lung to my chest wall but this amazing body pulled through again and I got it back with 100% oxygen and deep breathing. If it had been glued I could never have had a transplant.

So after 7 days I had a meeting with prof over the results and let’s just say I’d rather have done the leaving cert again. First issue you have weight gain problem, no shit doc. Second problem you have CF related diabetes but it is just diet controlled and me trying to hide the lucozade by the bed. 3rd problem… You have osteoporosis of your bones which is also CF related and finally you have a fungus called aspergillus growing in your lungs, so along came nurse with 4 more tablets. One was huge and I started laughing saying… what do you want me to do with that. She then laughed and said you need to chew it. Then I also got the big question from prof. We need to consider a peg tube………..I thought to myself…… fuck off. Nobody is inserting a tube through 8 layers of muscle. So I said no even though everybody was telling me how great it was. No thanks! I’d rather drink shakes and eat shite rather than a feed at night. When i got stubborn there was no talking to me. On endless occasions i would have people call me when i was in hospital and i would basically just turn off the phone. So answer to that is. You know a disease is controlling your life when you are sitting in Dublin and all you can think of is death.

After I left dublin i kinda gave up hope. I hit the drink hard. I found the only way I could get the energy to go out which would be 8 on a Friday Saturday and all day Sunday. Now you still have to remember the regime added by diabetes and once Crohns disease too. That i could barely walk 100 meters and i would eat nothing. My body had hit starvation mode. Once we sat outside wardes pub in claremorris and there was a guy called Fran Lowe from Meath there. We are good friends now and the guy is a gent he would run the earth if you asked him but I left and he asks ja. That lad is fucking green is he okay. Ja told him what was wrong so i was walking around spitting blood my body failing but i was still too stubborn to admit any of it. So a typical night would consist of sitting on a bar stool getting trollies on VRB as it was the only drink that would give me the energy for the night.. I’m my head i was okay with it. I was a young adult and wanted to experience life as well as live it.i continued this path for a year and met some amazing characters and friends along the way as well as a few ladies I knew deep down i needed to live and so did my family. They supported me and in a way I’m happy they did as everything turned out. We always had hope because what else could we do. I was living with Caroline and loved it was near the town as well as having friends call all the time. She had 2 adorable kids. My three sisters are 3 different people but the one thing they all have in common is a courage and will to fight about what is right very headstrong women but always had a method to there madness. Some might say i was there child as they basically brought me up. Now there not perfect and the rows they have are big but that’s family. And one guy that just stays back and takes it all in. Is my great brother Anthony he is as witty and funny as they come. They have had 8 nieces and nephews with one more on the way.Godfather to 4 of them. I adore and am adamant i need to be around to tell them life ain’t easy. It’s a cruel place. They are also a huge reason I’m alive today also. My family they are a rock as well as my father. He is proud at whatever I do 🙂